Condition guide
Grief and Loss
Grief is a natural response to loss — most often the death of someone close, but also job loss, the end of a relationship, a major health diagnosis, or other significant life changes. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and no fixed timeline. Grief tends to come in waves rather than a straight line, and it’s common to feel better for a while and then be caught off guard by a difficult day months or even years later.
Grief itself isn’t a mental illness, and most people move through it with time and support from the people around them, without needing professional help. This page is here for two reasons: to offer a general understanding of grief, and to help you recognise when grief has become more complicated and additional support might genuinely help.
Recognising it
What does grief look like?
Emotional responses
- Sadness, yearning, or longing for what’s been lost
- Shock, numbness, or disbelief, particularly early on
- Anger, guilt, or regret
- Relief, in some circumstances (such as after a long illness) — which can itself bring complicated feelings
- Anxiety about the future, or about further loss
Physical & cognitive responses
- Fatigue or low energy
- Sleep disruption
- Changes in appetite
- Difficulty concentrating, or a sense of mental fog
- Physical sensations of tightness, heaviness, or an “ache”
Behavioural responses
- Withdrawing from usual activities or social contact
- Searching for reminders of what’s been lost, or avoiding them entirely
- Difficulty returning to routine responsibilities
Grief affects people differently, and it touches emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioural aspects of life all at once. These responses commonly ease in intensity over time, even though they may not disappear entirely, and moments of grief can resurface around anniversaries, milestones, or unexpected reminders long after a loss.
Understanding why
When does grief need extra support?
Most grief, while painful, resolves gradually without clinical intervention. Sometimes, though, grief becomes more complicated. None of the below means something is “wrong” with how you’re grieving — some losses and circumstances are simply harder to move through than others, and having support isn’t a sign that your grief is abnormal.
- Prolonged grief disorder
- Increasingly recognised clinically: intense grief that persists well beyond what’s typical — generally assessed from around twelve months onward for adults — and significantly interferes with daily functioning.
- Grief that isn’t easing
- Intense grief that isn’t easing over an extended period, well beyond the initial loss.
- A sense of lost meaning
- Persistent difficulty accepting the loss, or a sense that life has lost meaning.
- Avoidance
- Avoiding almost anything that reminds you of the person or the loss.
- Difficulty functioning
- Ongoing difficulty functioning at work, in relationships, or with daily tasks.
- Difficult circumstances
- A loss involving particularly difficult circumstances — sudden, traumatic, or by suicide — which can complicate the grieving process.
- Thoughts of not going on
- Thoughts of not wanting to go on, or of wanting to be with the person who died. Seek support immediately — see the crisis contacts at the top of this page.
Getting better
How is grief supported?
Grief counselling
A supportive space to process the loss, express difficult emotions, and adjust to life changes, without pathologising normal grief.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
Can help where grief has become entangled with anxiety, depression, or persistent unhelpful beliefs.
Prolonged grief treatment
Structured, evidence-based approaches specifically for grief that hasn’t eased with time, focused on processing the loss and rebuilding a sense of connection to life.
Support groups
Connecting with others who’ve experienced similar loss can be valuable alongside, or instead of, individual therapy.
Next step
When should I see a psychologist about grief?
You don't need to wait until symptoms feel unmanageable.
- Grief that feels unrelenting, or isn’t easing months after the loss
- Difficulty functioning at work, in relationships, or with daily responsibilities
- A loss under particularly difficult circumstances (sudden, traumatic, or by suicide)
- Thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or not wanting to go on — seek support immediately, see crisis contacts above
- A sense that you want support but don’t have anyone else to talk to without worrying about burdening them
A GP can help you access a Mental Health Care Plan under Medicare's Better Access initiative, which provides rebates for a set number of psychology sessions per year.
How Pair helps
Matched with someone who's the right fit — not just available
Pair matches you with an AHPRA-registered psychologist based on your specific situation. Our matching process considers clinical fit, practical factors like session format and cost, and — optionally — identity-based preferences.
Common questions
Frequently asked questions
Is grief a mental illness?
No. Grief is a normal, natural response to loss, not a mental illness. In a smaller number of cases, grief can become prolonged or complicated in a way that’s recognised clinically (prolonged grief disorder), but everyday grief itself isn’t something to be treated as a disorder.
How long does grief normally last?
There’s no fixed timeline, and it varies enormously between individuals and types of loss. Grief often eases in intensity over the first year but can resurface around anniversaries or reminders well beyond that, which is a normal part of the process rather than a sign something is wrong.
What is prolonged grief disorder?
Prolonged grief disorder is a clinical term for grief that remains intensely disruptive well beyond what’s typical (generally assessed from around twelve months onward for adults) and significantly interferes with daily functioning. It’s a relatively recent addition to diagnostic frameworks and reflects a small subset of grief experiences, not the norm.
Is it normal to feel relief after a loss?
Yes, particularly after a long illness or a difficult relationship. Relief alongside grief is common and doesn’t mean you didn’t care about the person — it often reflects the end of prolonged distress, and can come with its own complicated feelings, including guilt.
Can grief counselling help even if it’s not “complicated” grief?
Yes. You don’t need to meet criteria for prolonged grief disorder to benefit from support — many people find it helpful simply to have dedicated space to process a loss, particularly if they don’t have that elsewhere. A good starting point is often having space to talk without a family member or friend needing to manage their own grief alongside yours.
Do I need a GP referral to see a psychologist for grief?
No — you can see a psychologist directly. A GP referral is only required if you want to access a Medicare rebate through a Mental Health Care Plan.
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